also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
