I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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