yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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