I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just gift wrapped bread.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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