there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
