i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize