His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
