It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
