I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
