You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
