I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
