I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
