so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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