I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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