Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
