My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
