I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
