You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
