I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
