yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
