Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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