I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
