People with herpes should wear stickers.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
