Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
