I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
