someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
