Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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