I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
