you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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