conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize