Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
