I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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