hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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