i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
