first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
