First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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