i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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