You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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