Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
