Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
