i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
