Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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