I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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