Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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