just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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