I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
