Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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