GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize