paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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