I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
