It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
