i just had sex bonerless
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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