SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
