Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
