I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
