omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
