dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize