I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
