Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
