All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize