Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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