so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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