I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize