he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
