This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
