OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
