Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
