Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize