I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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