he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
