My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
