I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize