Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
