Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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