he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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