apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
this hospital has no fireball
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
