I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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