i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
