So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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