No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
