I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
