Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize