my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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