i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
