explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
