do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm passing your future prison.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
