I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
