Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
