So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
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Do I have a choice?
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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