my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
