Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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