Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
