Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
