Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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