I wish my penis had an off switch
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
