I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
