Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
