So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
