It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
