I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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