yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
