i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
