I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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