i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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