I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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