My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
