once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize