I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
