i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
did you just send me my own nude
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
