i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
