She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
