i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
