you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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