Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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