some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I deserve this hangover.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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