its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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