Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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