when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
