If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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