Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
