at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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