you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
love makes seman taste better
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
