Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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