Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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