Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
