I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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